it

I have had an epiphany. I think this is where insanity starts. It/is/what? all/nothing/more/less/is/was/will be hold me.

Turn if you may from battles never done

3:45 is the best part of my day. Bookbag in passenger seat, truck cab 90 plus full of Evergreen scent-- chewing gum melt in its aluminum on the dash. I take the long way. Charging through suburban sprawl, silk slip slides to the floorboards, jacket in the backseat, hair down, flying 60 past cross guards and catching the green across Racetrack if I'm lucky. Slow to the mandated speed, windows down, sky empty blue. The air rushes through , up forearms and to cheeks, meshing sunlight, calvin-klein specs and curls in to a screen of moving copper-gold. Then in a flash, 50-odd seconds of pure unadulterated bliss. Curve past walls of vinecovered picket fences, gaurding cookie-cutter ranches from nothing dangerous, and they send the aura of sun-heated jazmine. This is what happiness smells like-- hot jazmine, winterfresh Extra, and dashboard dust on the breeze; 50 seconds between 'out there' and 'home' . But it's like a headache, you never quite when it's gone. Soon it's through the roundabout and flying 90 on the backroads, past the four-way stop. Tires roll in to an oil-stained cull-de-sac. I take the long way. 8 minutes a day that hold my sanity.

I know there's better brothers, but you're the only one that's mine.

sigh of relief, and the countdown begins. yet again I am disgusted by my gene pool, the gene's ive been fated with don't fit quite right is it weird that at times my father reminds me of the president? ( and oh, william )

go back to the places you will be from

if only it were that easy.

the nailbiting has begun, and my brain has given up to useless grey matter

28 days? 30 days? who knows

the early photo albums have fallen open again,

nothing represents innocence better than a 4 year old boy in drag and rollerskates

could any of us have turned out any differently?

snippets pop up now and then, in the oddest places, and i wonder.

so now, when i'm feeling reminiscent, i'll con the Weekend section and see who i find.