10.26.2007

Q 12. Have/Would you ostracize anyone, if so then for what purposes?

Softer world, harder reality.
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Sometimes all you need is a reason to hang on.
Sometimes it's bitterness, or determination, or revenge,
or opportunity, or maybe it's just the next Thanksgiving.
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Pass the greenbean casserole, I don't mind the family photos (I miss you) .
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135 days.

10.21.2007

In my younger and more vulnerable years...

Do you think that when he wrote Gatsby, Fitzgerald intended for it to be ripped apart by a bunch of 16 year olds in cinderblock classrooms? It seems to me that it impedes on the meaning of the words, make's them a little bit worthless. And irony seems to be way to abundant lately, and I'm kind of enjoying it, even if it does throw me off a little; straightening hair with a curling iron is just the tip of the iceberg. On a slightly related note: am I the only one who's seeing apocalyptical signs these days? Everything's jumping out at me, newstory headlines and car crash corners, I've got a growing list of omens everyday, and they're starting out too earley for my liking. But speaking of ironic omens, how is it possible to get 17 inches of rain (symbolism much?) and have such an exigency just 500 miles north? I don't quite understand how you can't believe in global warming yet. But I guess that's one of those "family secret" topics we'll sweep under the rug again, along with Hillary, abortion, music, and Spirit. Play hard Pray harder sounds like bullshit to me. And God, here's October. "It was an hour of profound human change, and excitement was generating on the air." 140 days left.

10.11.2007

Desperate Change Theory

Nothing else is changing so I'll be psyched at this. "Nothing"s gonna change my world. Seven weeks is an eternity, and not the good kind. Cystallized skies blankets cotton air, and yellow paint splatters on plastic. Did I even wake up today? If tomorrow's Thursday I'll be pissed. Though I've got to say, if sleepwalk days all turn out this good, then I don't think I'll ever wake up again. But how is it that I've never noticed something this monumental before? Twice a year and it barely shook me, and I'm feeling it everywhere now; it affects everything, seasonal or not. And my body's fucking up like, bad; days like this would be so much better, if it weren't for my brains exploding from my skull. I'm hoping that it's just a breakdown, cause I can't keep living in a daze like this. 145 days left

10.03.2007

It makes you wonder how you can change things.

I hate this town. Raging pointless fervor and pinetrees. But for some reason I love that damn skyline, and sometimes the sunrise, when there's sun. but a rain day? like, seriously? I wonder if storms like this struck a hundred years ago, or if this is some new apocalyptical sign. Torrential rain, and thunder and lightning, at three in the afternoon, has to be a favourite. Being warm and dry inside your car, and watching tail lights splash through rainpuddles in a gridlocked parking lot, with 3,000 people, is an oddly profound experience. It almost makes you not hate those 2,999 other people so much. But I'm almost working up to that. Kind of. going on 19 inches and 151 days left.

9.24.2007

Can nothing go on forever?

So I'm fucked royally. Why does there have to be so much History? even though sometime's it's nice to let the past catch up, I don't think that the Burgundians would mind so much if we forgot a little bit about them. Sometime's my OCD switches off at just the wrong moment. And there are 28 terms that I can't meet. It'd be a lot easier if there was some peer pressure, but my friends are just too goddamn nice. Those Whores. Smart whores though; (wasn't I supposed to be the smart one in this equation?). I seem to be contradicting myself too much lately, and letting old me catch up with new me. And is this Aspergers? or just really shitty social skills? I think those are genetic too cause I look like homecoming queen at family reunions. And I miss you, like a whole lot. You've got no idea just come save me please? I don't think I'm cut out for this. This. Is just. Another. Bull. Shit. Town. 160 days?

9.09.2007

C'mon honey let's go be British together.

Dancing under streetlights at midnight is so much easier when the neighbors curtains are closed. And metaphors (however cheesy they may be) can be stretched so many ways. And it's an amazing feeling, finding out how pathetic you are; how naive, or hopefull; Or how small your chances will be. It's not difficult to doubt yourself when everybody else does. But so many pressures from so many points create new problems, addictions, impulsions and insecurities. But they don't realize that they're doing it. Right? Commitments seem so much easier before you're committed. But why am I the only one stressing? How am I the only one who puts future over present? I may be socially retarded, but I've never been this gutless wonder before. I don't know how much more I can take before I break. I need a diversion fast. Great Awakening, that was 300 years ago, and I've never worried about pasts that far back. 170 days left.