it's such a cold december

i like how my hair is thick and sticky, with sand and salt and air. i breath easier and i've never been this anxious to get started before. still they're put off for last minutes and panic attacks that i know are coming. can i handle it? how fast will it go? 9 days until i see her again; i'm scared and exited; it won't be the same, but it will do. i've missed her, badly. i just wish sometimes that we could go back and do it again; maybe there would be more appreciation. or maybe i'm just remembering golden days. bury the scar moments; out of sight, out of mind. i think. 4000 songs, californication, matt costa and the blue album lost bellyring balls 'why so serious' and wafflehouse at 11 icees in a rival schools back yard and towel dresses in the gas station august 22 and it's all over